As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
