I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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