Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
