It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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