One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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