yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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