the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
It's blow job season.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
