Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i think i have herpe
just one?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
