Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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