Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
too bad you live with your parents still
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
