Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
