tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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