last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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