It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
