i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
