Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
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