My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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