When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
