Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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