I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
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