Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
