Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
