I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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