***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
