You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize