Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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