turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
