Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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