Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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