I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
