you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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