id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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