Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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