His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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