Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
