Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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