Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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