Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
