Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
