First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
