How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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