he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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