she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
