we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
