Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
