Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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