i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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