dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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