I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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