We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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