So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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