he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
