Pappa wants mamma naked
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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