I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
