Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Who died my cat blue again?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
