just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
