we have officially lost it.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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