I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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