i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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