Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
