I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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