My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
high people should be assigned attendants
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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