Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
