I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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