Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Randomize
