I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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