Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
