scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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