I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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