lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
