before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
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I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
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Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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