The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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