then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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