Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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