I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize