I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
