I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
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