It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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