Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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