Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
