areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
