hotel room ftw
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
