Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
