DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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