She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
