if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
