Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
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