There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
tequila makes me forget i have legs
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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