You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
