either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
