I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Randomize
