well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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