You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
