you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
